The Unlived Life

Most of us have two lives, the life that we live, and the unlived life within us. This is a fact that most of us are aware of when things get overly hard or bland in life. We escape into the “what-ifs”. Setting new year resolution is about taking a hopeful peep into the “what-ifs”. Approaching the end of 2019, I had visioned into the way of living into 2020:

• break free from the final straw of commitment, and reborn wild into the world
• for the love of body, use it consciously and beyond the muscle imagination
• limit social moment to the highest quality and depth
• romance only with self
• cultivate a text-less social interaction
• the year of creation rather than perfection

At first glance, these are all regular new year resolutions. Readers of it on Instagram have expressed how by reading the list is making them calm, happy and hopeful. We all love new year resolution, after all, it is a feel-good moment when we are yet shatter by our own resistance (often in disguise of laziness, tiredness, lack of time, lack of motivation..etc).

New year resolution is barely simplistic or as it is. Coming to it often is supported by an accumulation of our desires, failures, ambitions, or simply the guts of knowing “Hey, there is this unlived life that I could be living.” In my case, the instance of breaking free from commitment for me in 2020 means moving back to my island hometown whereby I set it as a base to ease myself financially and provide myself an effortless chance to be with my aging grandmother. Currently, I am still a world-curious earthling who commits to an RM2000+ apartment rental in a city where I live alone simply for the sake of it. Once a month, I travel to a place that I desire to learn about while adding a mini trip back to my hometown to show my grandmother some affection.

If I persist with having my own apartment, I am reducing myself to other potential experiences. Forking out a high monthly rental means I have to think twice whether my trip will be to Cape Town in South Africa or somewhere closer to home like Cambodia. It also means that I am motivated to always say yes to working harder and more hours despite my body is screaming no. If I am too young to know anything wise, I know one…